Why 9/11 Triggers My Love/Hate Relationship with America
Every year on this day, I cry. I cry long and I cry hard. And every year, it always confuses me. I wasn’t in New York, I do not know anyone who died, and I was hardly old enough to truly understand what was happening at the time. I don't even remember “where I was on 9/11.” The only memory I have was looking at planes in the sky and being afraid they were going to crash into my house.
And yet, every year, I cry. I cry because I think about the people trapped inside the building, with no idea what was happening in the final minutes of their lives. I cry because I think about how scary it must have been when the second plane hit, and people had to slowly come to the realization that this was an attack and nowhere was safe anymore. And most of all I cry when I see the towers fall, again, for the hundredth time, and I watch thousands of lives disappear in an instant. And every time I watch it, I feel uncontrollable pain and grief as if I am watching it for the first time all over again.
But after the sadness works its way out of me, I start to feel some other emotions. Emotions like shame, anger, and resentment. My anger is not directed at the terrorist who attacked us that day, as they are now long gone. No, I am angry with America. Because even now, almost two decades later, we are still using this event as justification for the slaughter of thousands of innocent people on the other side of the world. I can not think of a more shameful legacy to leave for the lives that were lost that day.
According to Brown University’s Costs of War Project, over 800,000* people have been killed by direct war violence in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen, and Pakistan since 9/11. That includes 310,000 innocent civilians. Three Hundred and Ten Thousand. That means that the United States of America has killed over 100 times as many people as the terrorists did on 9/11.
Let that sink in. Imagine the pain felt by the friends and family of the unfortunate souls that never returned home on that fateful Tuesday, multiply it by 100, and spread it out over 20 years. That is what our country has done to that region of the world. Because of the actions of our government and military, over 300,000 human beings are now dead. That is not to mention the over 8.4 million Afghans, Pakistanis, and Iraqis that are now war refugees. That is about the same as the entire current population of New York City.
Additionally, it is not just foreigners who we are killing. Over 7,000 American service members have died in conflicts in the Middle East since 9/11. We have sacrificed 7,000 American citizens to avenge the loss of 3,000. That isn’t even including the thousands more that have been permanently disabled, or who have killed themselves due to PTSD.
There are so many more problems that I could talk about, such as the economic impact, the opportunity cost of taxpayer dollars, or the free propaganda we continue to give to terrorist organizations by killing innocent civilians. But I want to save that for another time, or at least for another day.
Right now, I just want to be able to mourn in peace. I want to be able to grieve for the loss of thousands of my fellow Americans without having to bear the burden of knowing that my country is responsible for crimes far worse than what I am grieving for. I want to cry without the guilt of knowing we have made millions more cry just the same throughout the world. And most of all, I want to wake up on 9/11 next year without being complicit in a 20-year war that has ruined millions of lives.
Is that going to happen? Probably not, but it should.
* To clarify, not all deaths were directly caused by US forces. This is a total of all deaths caused directly by conflict in the region involving the US.
